


Health and Harmony Notwithstanding

by ImperfectOrphanage



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 20:52:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10289486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperfectOrphanage/pseuds/ImperfectOrphanage
Summary: Sleep was not necessary for the physical well-being of a Composer.Mental well-being, however, was another matter entirely.---Joshua x Trans!Neku(Warnings: Violence, gore, dark themes, etc.)





	1. Chapter 1

Each night, Joshua had the same dream. It had gotten to the point he stopped trying to sleep. Luckily, Composers didn’t need sleep and it left him with enough free time to finish projects he’d been avoiding over the years. The downside to not sleeping was leaving Neku alone in bed and the inevitable boredom of being up for days on end.

His eyes would begin to close, his head would bob, and eventually he would fall into dreams of Shibuya being nothing but a wasteland. Where towers once stood proud, there were piles of rubble. Sinkholes had opened in several places throughout the city, and the beauty of his home was transformed into a reflection of the deepest level of Hell. Joshua would wander the city, watching the emergency workers attempt to save those who had survived, or at the least, recover the bodies of those who didn’t.

There were far too many children. The sight brought anger and resentment to whoever had done this to his Shibuya and he found his feet leading him to Udagawa.

Always, no matter where he began the dream, he would end up at Udagawa.

Neku would be there.

He would be staring at the crumbling wall and the faded paint, his fingers hovering over the lines of imprinting scrawled through the stone.

Joshua wanted to touch him. He wanted to pull Neku away from the wall and take him far away from the city to a place where no one would know who they were. His hand stretched out. The dream slowed down and Joshua felt as if he were swimming through oil.

“Neku.”

The boy turned.

It wasn’t Neku-not the one Joshua knew. This one was an abomination of hanging flesh and sunken eyes. It had bony fingers and ribs showing under torn fabric and skin. It laughed brittlely and pointed to Joshua as it accused him.

“You did this. Isn’t this what you wanted? You did this.”

Joshua backed away. He hit a warm body, turned, and recoiled in horror.

“You did this,” Sanae said. His jaw was hanging low on one side of his face and one eye dangled on the end of a fiber to bounce against his cheek. The man’s hair was singed and his body was a mix of limbs and broken wings. “You did this.”

“No, I-“

“You did this.”

He whirled around. There were more people surrounding him and no matter where he tried to run there were always more people pointing and accusing him.

“You did this.”

Joshua crumpled to his knees. He put his hands on his ears and scrunched his eyes shut.

“You did this.”

“No!”

“You did this.”

He bit his bottom lip until blood ran down his chin and a chunk of flesh fell into his mouth.

“You did this.”

Joshua shook his head. He trembled and screamed against the voices and the hands falling on him. They tore at his clothes, his skin, and his hair. Clumps of hair were ripped loose and his clothes were torn into small shreds of fabric. His skin bled and his muscles cried out as fingers twisted into them.

“Please, stop!”

It was here he would wake up.

Every night. Every chance his body had to sleep.

But now…it didn’t end.

The dream stilled. The people faded into shadows. It left Joshua curled in on his broken body.

In the distance he could see a copy of himself. They stood with a manic smile and mad eyes.

“I did this,” it said.

Joshua clutched his arm. The shoulder had been dislocated and the muscle hung loose.

“I did this,” it repeated. “Did you?”

“I didn’t do it. Neku,” he said, the word a prayer on his cracked lips. “Neku saved me.”

He had looked down at the blood and decay around his knees. In the time he took to take stock of the carnage the copy came to stand in front of him.

“I did this. It was fun,” it said, mocking Joshua. “You’re pathetic. You’re weak. You should have done it just as I had. You’re a failure as a Composer. You’re a failure as a person. You’re nothing. You’re an insignificant, disgusting, useless creation. Do it, Joshua. Do it.”

“No,” he breathed, his stomach reeling at the stench of death. “Leave me alone.”

The copy knelt down. “Look at me.”

“No.”

“Look at me.”

Joshua shook his head. Wake up. Wake up.

“I said, look at me.”

The command forced Joshua’s eyes to peer up at the broken copy. He fell into the insanity reflected in the copy’s eyes. Joshua couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

Fingers dug into his scalp and the copy pressed it’s thumbs into Joshua’s eyes. It began to laugh as Joshua screamed in pain and the copy continued to repeat, “I did this. You need to.”

“STOP!”

He bolted awake. The apartment was calm and quiet, and the air was cool against the fevered sweat covering Joshua’s skin. Across the room the clock ticked and chimed three, and behind him he heard Neku’s mumbling from the bedroom.

Joshua closed his eyes and leaned into the couch. He was awake. He was safe. It was just a dream.

“Hey,” Neku’s voice called to him. “You’re not sleeping?”

“I was, unfortunately,” Joshua said. He tilted his head back to see Neku standing over him. “How are you doing, dear? Does it still hurt?”

Neku shrugged. He had a blanket wrapped around his hips and it dragged the floor as he came to stand in front of Joshua. “It’s okay. The chocolate helped.”

“I’m glad. I don’t like to see you suffering,” he said, opening his arms for Neku.

The sweet boy sat down in his lap and curled his legs up on the couch. “Josh, you need to do something about these nightmares. I don’t like seeing you stretch yourself so thin. It’s not good for the city.”

Joshua exhaled. He tucked his head in the crook of Neku’s shoulder and inhaled the sleepy musk of his lover and friend. It had been several years since the long Game. Neku had become his Conductor and they ruled Shibuya with patience and consideration. The city had flourished under Neku’s care, and Joshua often wondered how he had been lucky enough to find him.

“Ow.”

He looked up at Neku. “I’m sorry. Is it me?”

“Nah, I think I need more ibuprofen. Maybe I need a warm bath…”

“My poor baby,” Joshua said, stroking his fingers through Neku’s hair. “You would think being an undead entity would save you from suffering a monthly cycle.”

Neku smiled. “I’ll be okay. At least I can’t get pregnant, right?”

“As far as I’m aware, there is no precedence.” Joshua shifted on the couch. He felt uncomfortably wet and not just because of the sweat trickling down into the creases of his body. Looking down, he saw a stain spreading through the white sheets and his attention made Neku look as well.

“Fuck me,” he growled, “shit…shit…I thought I’d have a few minutes to change. Damnit.”

“It’s just blood,” Joshua laughed. “C’mon, we’ll get cleaned up together.”

“Yeah, yeah. The worst part is, I can’t smell anything but rot.”

Joshua lifted Neku up into his arms. He carried the slight boy to the bathroom. “Well. I suppose I’ll have to do something about that. What scent would you prefer?”

The bathroom had an entire shelf dedicated to aromatherapy. Not only had Joshua collected a series of oils and candles, but Neku tended to have an affinity for soaking in a tub of fragrance. He enjoyed bath bombs-usually the ones with prizes inside-and sometimes a bit of bath salts to caress his skin. It was quite cute to Joshua how soft Neku was once he got to know him.

Neku hopped down from Joshua’s arms, let the blanket fall, and he climbed into the shower before answering Joshua. “I feel like something citrusy.”

“Lemon, orange, or mango?” Joshua stood in front of the shelf of beautifully decorated candles and glass bottles of oil with diffuser reeds sitting next to them. “Perhaps a bit of mandarin?”

“Well,” Neku had begun to scrub up, “lemon makes me think of two things. Cleaner and that cheap ass lemonade they give you in day care.”

Joshua laughed under his breath. “Orange it is.”

He took the bottle of oil off the shelf along with a burner and set it up on the counter. The smell of orange and sunshine soon filled the hazy bathroom and the steam from the shower only elevated the scent. Joshua stripped down and joined Neku in the shower to wash the sweat from his nightmare away.

The two of them washed each other’s back and scrubbed their hair. It felt heavenly to have someone else to wash him. Neku was gentle, and Joshua enjoyed teasing little sighs from his lips with the tender touch to Neku’s scalp.

Once clean, Joshua remained in the shower to let the water slide over his body. He watched Neku as he got ready for the day with a pair of underwear and a bra. His socks were in the bedroom with the rest of their clothes. Neku gave Joshua a smile before disappearing down the hall to continue dressing.

The shower felt good on Joshua’s shoulders and back. He dipped his head in and out of the spray.

“I did this.”

Joshua snapped his head up. He glanced around the bathroom, turned the shower off with a squeak of the handle, and stepped onto the cold tile floor. “Neku?”

No. It couldn’t have been Neku.

“I’m going mad,” he whispered, walking toward the fogged up mirror. His hand wiped away what he could of the steam and he began to brush his teeth with a hum of nervousness in his throat.

The smell of citrus calmed him, and he rinsed his mouth out before running his brush under the faucet until the toothpaste was gone. He set the brush next to Neku’s in a small cup in the medicine cabinet. His finger lingered on Neku’s brush and he smiled.

Closing the mirror, he half expected someone to be standing behind him. Whether it be a person or a figment of his fevered imagination, he assumed someone would be there to taunt him. But no, there was nothing even as he turned away from the mirror with a towel wrapped around him. He left the bathroom and went to the bedroom where he could hear Neku singing off-key.

His lover was dressing in a pair of black slacks with a blue button up. It was a Game day, and he had to look professional. Neku pulled on a sweater vest and adjusted the bowtie at his throat. He combed his hair back and tilted his head at his reflection in the closet mirror.

“Are you going for a hipster look?” Joshua teased. “Perhaps I should buy you a hat.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Hanekoma said I look good like this. It’s old school, but still in fashion. He made the sweater. It’s a CAT exclusive.”

Joshua could tell as much from the design and the imprinting of ‘enjoy the moment’. He smiled as he stood in front of Neku, grabbing his vest to pull him close for a kiss. They shared an intimate moment before Neku noticed the clock and cursed.

“I gotta go. We’ve got a full roster today,” he said, putting his watch around his wrist. It was a fancy piece Joshua had gotten for their fifth anniversary and the back was inscribed with their signatures. “I think the last count was one-hundred and forty-four. The surrounding regions had some…issues…and we’ve taken on some of their Players.”

“Is that fair?” Joshua sat on the edge of the bed. “I doubt they know the ins and outs of Shibuya.”

Neku stared at him.

He was confused for a full minute.

“Oh. Oh, right.”

“Yeah,” Neku laughed. He bent down to kiss Joshua’s forehead before disappearing in a wink of light and the melody of angels. It was a pure, sweet sound.

Once Neku left, Joshua’s phone began to buzz on the bedside table. He crawled over the sheets to grab it, laying on his stomach as he answered. “Hello?”

“Good mornin’, Boss.”

“Good morning, Sanae. How’s business?”

“Great. Got some new beans in from South America I think you’ll like. Why don’tcha come over and have a cuppa joe wit’ me? No charge.”

Joshua paused. “That’s quite unusual for you.”

“I’m feeling generous. How ‘bout it?”

“Fine. I have nothing better to do.”

He missed the feeling of snapping the phone shut. Hitting a red button didn’t have the same feel.

The screen flashed the time before the phone went into sleep mode. Joshua sighed, buried his head in the sheets to inhale Neku’s scent, and he remained there for quite some time. He wasn’t tired, but he could have done with a bit of cuddling before facing the day.

Rising from the bed, Joshua slid out from under the towel and stood naked to the world. The closet was still open and he could see several outfits hanging on his side of the closet. What to wear? Purple, pink, or blue? Perhaps a little black? What should he go for, male, female, or an enigma?

In the end, he dressed similar to how Neku had been, but in pastel shades. He slid on a pair of khaki pants with large pockets, a white button up, a cute purple bowtie, and a matching cardigan. There wasn’t much styling to be done to his hair. It would fluff up and curl on it’s own.

Joshua pocketed his cellphone, slapped a watch around his wrist, and put a pair of silver studs in his ears along with a delicate looking bar on the right top. He had experimented with piercings alongside Neku, and though his Conductor wasn’t keen on them, Joshua found them fun. The only thing he didn’t like was a tongue piercing because it hurt like Hell and burned when he ate.

His watch beeped five-thirty.

Disappearing from the apartment he popped into the café. Sanae was whistling while making a pot of coffee and baking a tray of delicious pastries. The smell of warm beans and sugar made Joshua feel nostalgic and he settled at the counter.

“Good morning, you old man.”

“I ain’t that old,” he argued, turning around with two cups of coffee. “Here, try it.”

Joshua dipped a finger into the cup to test the heat. It was the right temperature, it smelled of a deep roast, and as he sipped it, the taste of earth tickled his tongue.

“Hm. Not bad,” he said. “I believe it would be better with sugar and cream. The earthy undertones are a bit too rich for my liking. Good job, Sanae. You’ve finally made a decent cup of coffee.”

“I’mma throttle ya.”

He giggled. “You are fun to tease. So, what’s the occasion? Free coffee usually means something is terribly wrong, and the last time I had free anything, you were concerned about the Higher Plane. What are they planning now?”

“They ain’t plannin’ nothin’. I’m worried ‘bout ya, J,” he said, leaning on the counter. “How long has it been since ya had a good night’s sleep?”

“I don’t need sleep, Sanae.” Joshua took another sip of coffee and winced. “Sugar and cream.”

Sanae nudged the creamer and the sugar pot toward him. “How long?”

He sprinkled the sugar into the cup and poured the cream into it, changing the coffee from a dark brown to a soft chocolate. The spoon clinked against the sides of the cup and he took another sip. “To be honest, I slept this morning for about an hour?”

“An hour. That ain’t enough to keep yer imagination intact.”

“I will be quite alright.”

Sanae narrowed his eyes. “Are ya havin’ nightmares?”

“Why would you assume nightmares?” Joshua pointed to a pastry in the glass display case and Sanae pulled it out, put it on a napkin, and placed it in front of him. “Thank you. Is it a danish? Oh, I love cream cheese and icing.”

“Kid, y’gotta stop lyin’ to y’self. Tell me,” Sanae sat down on the barstool behind the register, “what’s the dream about?”

Joshua stuck his finger into the center of the treat before licking it clean. “I did this.”

“Beg pardon?”

“Shibuya lies in ruin. Her people are walking corpses of wasted potential. They blame me for what happened and yet there is another me taking credit for it. I did this, he says. You should do it.”

“That’s concernin’,” Sanae said. “Y’don’t want to, right?”

“Of course not. I’m insulted you would suggest it.” Joshua took a bite of the pastry. The sugar melted in his mouth and the flaky crust fell from his lips to land on the napkin. “I love Neku. I would never do anything to hurt him or the city he loves. I’ve been thinking, however, of our relationship.”

Sanae said nothing. He took a drink from the second cup of coffee.

“I have been considering proposal. We have been together for over five years and we have shared much in that short time. I want to be his and his alone. It’s an important step for someone like me.”

“Yeah, you’d tap anything with sex appeal.”

Joshua frowned. “Rude.”

“C’mon, kiddo, I’m just messin’ wit’ ya. It’s good you want to be exclusive. What’dya think Neku’ll say about it?”

“I hope he agrees. But what to propose with? Neku isn’t into flashy displays of affection. He wouldn’t want a fancy wedding or a ring. The only thing he wears of value is the watch I bought him. I think the only reason he wears it is because we had it engraved. If I am to propose, the item must have a similar meaning.”

Sanae hummed, scratched his chin, and nodded. “I could probably whip somethin’ up.”

“I will leave my trust in you.”

Continuing to sip and coffee and eat the pastry, Joshua remained silent until both were finished. He sucked on his fingers and wiped them on the napkin before dotting it around his mouth. The dreams were still bothering him in the back of his mind but he had more pressing matters.

If he were to propose, and if Neku agreed, would they have a wedding? Joshua was a catholic and he would love to go all out on flowers and a ceremony, but Neku was more traditional and had no real religion to speak of. Perhaps a simple wedding in the park or the Higher Plane’s extensive garden.

No. Neku would like things to be simple.

“Thank you for the meal, Sanae,” Joshua said, standing up to give a short bow. “I hope you will come up with something to reflect the purity of our union.”

Sanae grinned. “I got the perfect thing in mind. It’ll be in silver.”

“It sounds promising,” he replied with a wave. “I will see you after the Game.”

“Yep. Hey, if yer havin’ problems sleepin’, I can help.”

Joshua tucked his hands in his back pockets and stared at the concrete sidewalk on the other side of the glass door. It had begun to rain and tiny droplets were staining the ground a dark shade. He recalled the dream and shook his head. “No, thank you.”

“Aight. The offer is on the table.”

He nodded, left the café, and let the rain patter on his face and hair. The city was beautiful under the glow of falling rain. Her people moved about under cute and colorful umbrellas. Joshua flicked his wrist and formed a purple umbrella with a touch of lace and beadwork. He held it up and let the sound of rain hitting plastic soothe his nerves.

In the distance he saw someone walk through the crowd.

If Joshua had been less sane, he would have thought it was a reflection.

No. He was awake.

The crowd parted momentarily and Joshua scanned the group only to see nothing.

Shaking it off, Joshua continued to walk until he came to the Scramble where Neku was standing in front of a large collection of Players. He was explaining the Game and how to make pacts. His hands moved animatedly as he talked, the Players entranced by his voice.

Joshua remained in the shadows of the RG.

The group of Players began to partner off pre-Game. It had been something Neku demanded as a rule to give the Players a better chance of survival. Males, females, brothers, sisters, friends, enemies…they all chose someone to fight alongside.

All of them, except one boy.

He turned toward Joshua. He gave a crooked smile.

No. Impossible.

“I did this,” the boy mouthed. “You should do it.”

Joshua gasped. He backed into a wall and shivered as his umbrella tipped and a splash of cold water ran down his neck and back. The boy stood still as the other Players ran off. Neku had also disappeared and Joshua felt his absence like a wound.

No. Stay away.

“I did this,” the boy said, voice swirling around Joshua’s mind. “You should do it.”

No.

The boy stepped closer, gliding over the pavement with methodical movements. “I did this.”

“Leave me alone,” Joshua growled. He dropped his umbrella and threw his hand out to send a wave of Noise at the boy. It would be a cold day in Hell before Joshua would cower before a copy. His hands glowed a brilliant blue as he sent frogs and birds at the boy who fended them off easily.

“I did this.”

He didn’t say a word. He simply kept sending Noise of varying levels toward the boy until the copy could no longer stand. Despite it all, the boy continued to repeat the same words over and over.

“I did this. You should do it.”

Finally, Joshua had enough. He slapped his hands together, focused on his power as Composer, and called upon a large tiger Noise. It hissed, yowled, and snapped up the boy in one bite.

Static filtered through the air and Joshua huffed for breath. He hadn’t called Noise in such a long time and the use of his power had devastating effects on a sleepless body. Joshua fell to his hands and knees, trembling with cold and exhaustion.

It was too much. He called out to Neku through the music of Shibuya and he gratefully collapsed once Neku appeared in his dragon form. The dragon took him into his mouth and flew through the air.

Joshua let sleep claim him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hours later, he came to. It was a mercy of the Lord he hadn’t had any dreams. The room around him was bathed in the glow of candles and the feeling of a wet tongue stroking his back was enough to bring him to full awareness.

Neku was still in his Noise form of a white dragon with silver scales and bright blue eyes. He was licking Joshua’s skin with a long tongue while purring melodically. In the middle of the coil he had wound into, Joshua was curled up and protected. The dragon paused in licking to sniff Joshua’s face, nuzzling it gently.

_“Are you okay?”_

The voice Neku had when in dragon form was softer than his human one. It caressed Joshua’s mind and made his emotions fall flat into a peaceful sort of floating.

Joshua nodded, wrapping his arms around Neku’s coiled body as he exhaled. The scales were velvety if stroked correctly, but touched in the wrong way they were deadly sharp. Once or twice Joshua had played with the orientation and ended up slicing his hand.

_“Did someone hurt you?”_

“No, Neku,” he whispered into the smooth scales, “it was nothing. Perhaps a dream in reality.”

The tongue came back. It licked Joshua’s bare shoulder and only then did Joshua realize he was completely naked under a blanket of woven thread. He sat up, letting the cloth fall to his waist.

_“Uh, yeah, I kinda snagged my claws on your sweater. Sorry.”_

Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. He relaxed against the dragon body and gazed about the room.

It wasn’t familiar. He was surrounded by rock as if in a cave, and the floor was draped with fine carpets and tapestries. There was a pile of shiny objects ranging from bits of foil to Faberge eggs. Above, the ceiling dripped with glass jars surrounding dim bulbs.

_“I, uh, carved a little niche for myself in the border between our region and the next. The Conductor over there showed me how to do it. He’s a dragon, too.”_

Joshua reached up to scratch Neku’s chin. There was red fur hanging from his chin and crawling up the sides of his face. A tuft of bright orange rested atop his head and from his chin to his navel was a sprinkling of red and orange fluff.

He was beautiful to Joshua no matter what form he took.

_“Do you like it? I collected some stuff from the sewer and I traded some things with the other Conductors around here. We have this monthly meeting of dragons so we can swap information and stuff.”_

“Neku, you are a true politician.”

_“Ew.”_

He laughed and rubbed against Neku’s scales. “I love you, Neku Sakuraba.”

The form shifted. Neku returned to his human shape and Joshua slowly drifted to the ground as the coil melted into static. It wasn’t cold on the ground because of the pile of fine linens Neku had warmed with his body heat. Joshua snuggled into them.

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Neku was similarly naked. He sat next to Joshua. “You look pale and I know you’ve been avoiding sleep. Tell me what’s wrong, Josh. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I don’t want to bother you,” he replied, moving to place his head in Neku’s lap. “Are you still entertaining your Aunt?”

Neku laughed. “Yeah. Sorry. She’ll be here for a few days. If you’re wanting to do the do-“

“No, no. It is a sin to have sexual relations when one is on their period.”

“Really?” Neku huffed. “That’s kinda stupid.”

“If you think about it,” Joshua sat up, “it makes sense in the context of time. You know, germ theory wasn’t developed until late 1800s, and even then it didn’t catch on for years.”

“Oh,” Neku said, “it does make sense. It’s unclean, right?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. Christianity is weird.”

Joshua smiled. He leaned up to kiss Neku on the cheek. “Give me the grand tour.”

“What you see is it, basically.” Neku spread his arm out. “That’s my treasure pile. End of tour.”

He giggled at Neku’s snarky words. Instead of staying wrapped up in warmth, Joshua slid from the safety and security of Neku’s embrace and moved toward one corner of the room. There was a picture with a candle and in front of the picture was an array of dried flowers.

It was a small shrine to Neku’s mother.

“Uh, yeah. There’s that.”

Joshua ran a finger over the picture. “She’s beautiful. I see where you get your smile.”

“Thanks,” Neku sighed. “I still miss her.”

“I’m certain she is well wherever her soul ended up. Perhaps she reincarnated. Or perhaps,” Joshua turned back to Neku, “she is in heaven working for the council.”

Neku shrugged. He stood up, stretched hard, and winced. “Ouch.”

“You have to be careful doing that,” Joshua teased. He knew Neku had an awful time every month. There would be pain, a flow thicker than the Shibuya River, and exhaustion by the end of it. Whenever Neku was expecting his Aunt to visit, Joshua would go shopping for fine chocolates, buffered medication, and a present of varying type. He didn’t know what it was like to be in such a condition, but he could feel the strain on Neku’s soul.

“I don’t understand it,” Neku said, frowning deep enough to cause lines. “If you can choose whatever form you want, why the hell can’t I?”

“Perk of being a Composer, I suppose.”

“Maybe I should have shot you,” Neku laughed, not knowing what affect his words would have.

Joshua tensed. It reminded him of the dream. Of the Neku with sunken eyes and flayed skin burning at the edges.

No. He was awake. This was reality and Neku was safe.

“Hey, I’m hungry. Do you want to get some ramen? My treat.”

“Yes, please,” Joshua said quickly. He needed a distraction. “Do you have clothes?”

“We can stop by the apartment on the way. I need to, uh, change.”

Joshua nodded, understanding. He reached his hand out for Neku and at the touch of their fingers they both transported to the apartment.

\---

“And, if you take a peek at this handy pie chart,” Neku said, pointing a large stick at the numbers projected on the wall, “you’ll see the Erasure rate has increased in recent months. This is part of a larger trend across multiple regions…”

He couldn’t stand it. Joshua face planted into the table with a loud smack.

The meeting room fell quiet.

“Uh, J?” Sanae put a hand on Joshua’s right shoulder and gave it a tender squeeze. “You okay?”

“God, just stop with all the numbers…” he groaned, voice muffled into the scuffed tabletop.

Neku heaved a great sigh from the front of the room. “You know, Josh, you don’t have to come to these meetings every week. You’re an intern.”

He sat back up, a post-it note stuck to his forehead with the numbers 563 written on it. “Yes, I know, Mr. Sakuraba, but I can’t do your paperwork unless I have the projections.”

The others gathered in the small conference room glanced at each other in confusion. To them, Joshua was a lowly intern somewhere between Wall Reaper and Harrier. He had been singled out to serve the Conductor on business matters, which often included coffee and snacks for the meetings.

It was all a ruse to protect the Composer and keep the Game Masters in the dark about his true self. Joshua had come up with the idea one night in bed, and Neku-being exhausted-simply agreed to it.

“Yeah,” Neku said, “but you can’t do the paperwork if you’re unconscious either. Everyone, let’s take a five minute break and be back here at…oh…two-thirty-five.”

The room emptied quickly aside from Sanae and Neku. They sat on either side of Joshua, who had again resumed a melted position against the table. He had his chin propped up on the edge and his eyes were only slightly open as he stared at the infographic on the wall.

“Josh, you need to get some sleep.”

“He’s right, Boss. Y’can’t go on like this.”

Joshua made a noise of frustration and placed his face back onto the table. It smelled of stale coffee, stale pastries, and ink. “I have work to do.”

“It’s not that important,” Neku said, poking him in the side. He knew the exact place to hit to make Joshua’s skin twitch and tickle. “C’mon, now. Before I tie you to the bed.”

He turned his head and winked.

“Don’t start,” Neku warned playfully. He yanked Joshua up by his collar and nudged him toward Sanae’s open arms. “Take him home. I’m done with the material portion. We’ll need new Player Pins soon.”

“I’ll get ‘im ordered,” Sanae said with his fingers in air-quotes. No one was supposed to know who the Producer was either, and to the Game Masters, Sanae was a simple café owner who had programmed an application to streamline their business. He handled merchandising and orders. If the break room in the Pad needed more napkins, he was the man for the job.

Joshua muttered a soft, “I’m fine” even as Sanae wrapped an arm around him and forced him to the apartment bedroom. The barista shoved him onto the fluffy bed and flicked his wrist to make the sheets wrap tight around Joshua.

“You aren’t funny, Sanae Hanekoma. Release me.”

“Not until y’get some sleep.”

“You undermining son of a bitch,” Joshua growled, but there wasn’t enough fight in him to sound the least bit frightening. “Fine. I order you to stay at my side.”

“No can do, Boss. I got to get seventy-five new Player Pins created and imprinted. I’ll check in on ya around four. By that time, Neku should be home.”

Joshua shuddered. He didn’t want to be alone. “Sanae, please.”

“Shit, kid. Did you just say please?” The barista fumbled with his sleeves, rolling them down to button around his wrists. He rarely wore his shirt formally, and the wrinkles set into the cotton were proof of his lackadaisical attitude. “I’ll stay wit’ ya until Neku gets back.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, eyes growing heavy. Sleep was chasing him and he hadn’t the strength to run anymore. As soon as he felt Sanae’s weight depress the bed he was out, surrounded by darkness.

It was the same dream as before.

\---

Saturdays always made Joshua insanely relaxed. He would often drag Neku out to go shopping for the latest deals in clothes and accessories. They would go to the spa and out for a nice, expensive meal. It was the day of the week he could truly spoil Neku, and his Conductor allowed it.

Unfortunately, with the dreams becoming more frequent and far more violent, Joshua didn’t have the energy or peace of mind to leave the apartment. Even with Neku’s protests for him to get out and get fresh air and sunshine, Joshua didn’t feel up to it.

“I would rather stay indoors, thank you. Perhaps we could put a puzzle together or play one of those bored games you like.”

“Josh, I know I’ve said it before but,” Neku put his hands up and swept them in a flat plane, “it’s a board game, not a bored game. It’s made from a board.”

“Oh, right,” Joshua replied, flipping a page in one of the many magazines he was subscribed to. “Your favorite game, what is it?”

“Chinese checkers. Though,” he scratched his ear, “I suppose that’s sorta racist.”

“Not only racist, Neku, it’s completely inaccurate. The star shape is from Germany as it was originally a German game. The name ‘Chinese Checkers’ was coined by America years ago, and remains one of those hard to erase racial facets of yesteryear.”

Neku stared at him critically.

He looked over the edge of the magazine. “What?”

“How do you know so many random things?”

Tilting his head to the right, Joshua smiled. “YouTube, Neku. It is full of vast and varied information. Perhaps you should look up a few top ten channels.”

“I’m not surprised,” Neku sighed. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, fiddled with the television remote, and pulled his wireless controller from under the couch cushion. The console he was currently enamored with powered up and Neku began to play a game involving guns and strategy.

Joshua couldn’t help but watch him play. Not the screen, but Neku. His face was crinkled in concentration and he made tiny noises as he killed enemies. If he managed to get shot, he would curse and call the other players names in foreign languages he had learned from other Conductors. In fact, if Joshua glanced at the screen he could see a few familiar names.

“You are in a death match with the Composer of France, the Conductor of Chile, and both Composer and Conductor from Texas? Are you certain you shouldn’t be on the side of Texas? He has a gun vault.”

“That,” Neku grunted, “doesn’t matter. Hell yeah. Gotcha.”

A giggle escaped Joshua. He couldn’t help but love Neku, the valiant fighter of justice in a pair of ratty ten year old sweatpants and a shirt procured from a local resale shop. He had bought it only because he knew it would annoy the fire out of Joshua, but over the years it had become an endearing part of his wardrobe and their bedroom.

“Would you like to teach me how to play?” Joshua asked suddenly. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to know but the thought of understanding Neku better made him want to try.

Neku paused the Game and exited back to the lobby. “Are you sure?”

“Oh, yes,” Joshua slapped the magazine down on the coffee table and crawled over the couch to sit next to his boyfriend. He was dressed similarly to Neku, in a pair of pajamas covered in sheep. “I would have to make a character, right?”

“Yeah. You’re lucky, though.” Neku grinned. “This UG gaming station doesn’t require you to have two consoles to do multiplayer. Here. Hold this.”

Joshua opened his hands and Neku put a second controller into them. It was red where Neku’s was blue and silver. “I’ve never held one of these.”

“Holy shit, Joshua. I’m going to have so much fun with you. Here,” Neku dug in the drawer under the side table and pulled out two headsets, “put this on.”

He did so, and once Neku powered both headsets with a wireless adapter, Joshua could hear the voices of his fellows. “Oh, wow.”

“Hey, dat you, kiddo?” Texas laughed. “Heck, Neky. I didn’t think yer Composer’d be the type to try’n pwn noobs.”

Neku frowned, his cheeks flushing slightly. “Rick, don’t say things like that. It makes you sound old.”

“He is old,” a female voice no older than twelve said. “Hello, Joshua! This is Marianna from Chile!”

“H-hello,” Joshua said. “Forgive me for interrupting the game.”

“We wondered,” Texas laughed, “why good ‘ol Neky logged out. Supposed it was cause he’d forgotten his headset again.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up,” Neku growled. “Gimme a few minutes to get Josh set up and then I’m gonna ruin your day like the Alamo.”

“LONG LIVE THE ALAMO.”

“Oh, no,” Chile laughed, “you’ve fired him up again.”

Joshua found he was laughing along with them. He was quickly introduced to the character screen and-not wanting to take time away from the game-he chose a basic female character. The controls weren’t hard to learn, but they were awkward to Joshua as he hadn’t played many video games. He fell into the game easily, however, and despite getting killed numerous times, he was enjoying himself.

The sun orbited through the sky from afternoon to dusk, and the apartment was left in a hazy light from the television screen. Eventually the fun ended when Chile had to go and Texas soon followed. France decided to call it a night as well.

Instead of turning the console off, Joshua returned to the character select screen and began to customize his avatar. Neku sat beside him, one leg up on the other, as he watched.

“Did you like it?”

“Hm?” Joshua flipped through hairstyles. “Oh, yes. It was rather enjoyable.”

Neku put his arm around Joshua and kissed him on the cheek. “I thought I might grab something to eat and maybe we could watch one of those old movies you like.”

“Sure. What would you like to eat? Ramen?”

“Nah, we had that two nights ago. What if I grab a pizza? A deep dish style pizza with lots of sauce and a ton of cheese.”

“Yes, that would be lovely.” Joshua kissed him back and watched as he left the room before returning to the video game. He had almost finished his avatar…

The lights flickered out.

“Son of a bitch,” Neku cursed from the bedroom after a particularly loud crash. “It’s okay!”

“What happened?” Joshua set the controller down to inch his way through the dark toward the bedroom cast in hazy moon glow. “Why did the power go out?”

Neku was staring out the window. “Uh, I don’t think it’s just us.”

Outside, Joshua saw the skyline of Shibuya against the backdrop of stars.

Stars.

_Stars._

“Oh, fuck me, the entire city?” Joshua leaned on the window and looked up into the inky dark. “Shibuya hasn’t been dark in many, many years. It’s beautiful…and frightening.”

“Yeah,” Neku exhaled. “No sense in worrying about it. Hey, it means we can go to bed early.”

Joshua felt a knot of worry in his gut, but the thought of being near Neku made him smile. Leaning into Neku’s side, Joshua giggled. “We haven’t had intercourse in a few days.”

“Ew, Josh, don’t call it intercourse. It sounds too clinical. We make love, you asshole.”

“No, no,” Joshua wrapped his arms around Neku’s neck, “we make love _in your_ asshole.”

“Are you deliberately trying to ruin the mood?”

He smiled and kissed Neku hard. The mood certainly wasn’t ruined. Joshua could feel Neku’s heart rate increase and his breath quickened.

They made quick work of their clothes while fumbling in the dark, touching what they could. Joshua slipped his fingers into Neku and with a sudden realization he pulled back and squeaked.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

Neku quieted him with a kiss. “It’s okay, it was an accident.”

The bed creaked and Neku climbed on top of Joshua. He was barely visible in the dark, and Joshua found a thrill at the knowledge they couldn’t see each other. Neku smiled, and the light glinted off of his pearly white teeth.

Continuing to kiss and touch, Joshua felt Neku’s heat against his thigh. It was weeping pleasure, and though Joshua knew Neku was triggered at vaginal intercourse, he was curious how it would feel. But he wouldn’t-he couldn’t do that to Neku.

“Hey, let me,” Neku whispered against Joshua’s throat. His fingers were slick with lubrication and Joshua realized he had retrieved it rather quickly for a spur of the moment session.

“You planned this, didn’t you?”

“Nah,” he laughed, “but when the lights blew I just went with it.”

Joshua giggled and allowed Neku to slick his erection with the lubrication. He sucked in a breath at the skillful fingers stroking his need and he whined when they retreated. Joshua’s hips bucked into the air, seeking contact, and soon he was surrounded by warmth.

“Ah,” Neku whimpered, sliding Joshua into his bottom. “Fuck…yes…”

“Please,” he sighed, pressing close, “please…ah…Neku…”

The music responded to their lovemaking. Shibuya’s spirit often entered both of their hearts when they tangled on the bed, and it heightened their pleasure to feel the tingles of power on their skin. Neku moaned and rode Joshua while calling his name in breathy gasps. Joshua keened and ached as he dug his fingers in the sheets and strained not to come too soon. He loved the painful sensation of need one second before release and he revealed in keeping it for as long as possible.

But he couldn’t hold out. Neku was rocking faster while twisting his hips.

“Fuck, fuck, ah,” Joshua swallowed, feeling saliva trickle down the corner of his mouth from the lack of doing so. He arched up to meet Neku’s rhythm and he came hard with Neku’s name on his lips.

It wasn’t long before Neku made the same declarations of love and he came from his vagina, pouring wave after wave of pleasure onto Joshua’s stomach. He whimpered, pressed into Joshua, and cried for more attention.

Joshua slid his fingers under Neku and massaged the clit, letting his fingers tease Neku into another orgasm while still buried deep in his bottom.

“Please,” Neku hissed. He came again, and the vibration of his lips purred against Joshua’s fingers as they wept further passion. Neku collapsed on Joshua with a million kisses to his skin.

“I love you,” Joshua whispered, moving his slicked fingers up to trace shapes on Neku’s face. “I love you, Neku. I love you…”

Neku kissed him, repeating the phrase, mouth sliding over Joshua’s skin. “Yes, I love you. I love you, Josh…”

“I,” Joshua felt the moment was strangely right, “I want to be yours forever.”

“Of course,” his Conductor said, not realizing the meaning behind the words. “I want you.”

Joshua slid away. At first he could feel the hurt in Neku’s heart but he reached out to embrace him. “Neku Sakuraba, I want…will you…I…”

The night was cool and the air chilled Joshua’s wet skin. He cupped Neku’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply.

“Neku, I want to marry you. Please,” Joshua whispered into his mouth, “say yes.”

It was quiet.

The boy said nothing.

Just as Joshua was about to backpeddle an apology, Neku finally answered.

“Yeah. Yeah,” he laughed, “yeah.”

Joshua threw his arms around Neku and they tumbled in the bed with peals of happiness and soft, wet kisses to each other’s skin.

Outside, the city lit up like a firecracker as the power was restored.

It meant something to Joshua.

Neku had said yes in the darkness, and the future would be nothing but light.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t too long after the proposal that Joshua’s dreams took a sudden turn into reality. He had begun to see his copy in various places in the city. It would be in the corner of his eye, in a reflection, in the room while he attempted sleep next to Neku, and outside the café watching through the windows.

Joshua hadn’t had a good night’s rest in several months. He tried medication. He tried certain foods. He tried herbal remedies and warm baths. He tried aromatherapy. He even tried to smoke illicit drugs. The only thing he hadn’t tried was Sanae’s offer of help.

Thankfully, the city hadn’t been affected by Joshua’s inability to sleep. She flourished with Neku’s constant care and devotion. Joshua had begun to see a bit of Megumi in his Neku, but only the best portions. The previous Conductor had been entirely dedicated to the city and to Joshua to an alarming degree, and near the end it was Megumi’s downfall.

It did no good to look back. Joshua rubbed the bridge of his nose and continued to nurse a cup of dark roast coffee with extra shots of espresso. The only thing it managed to do was give him a pounding headache as he searched through online articles about weddings. He was currently hiding in the café, ignoring the copy leering at him from outside. Sanae had been kind enough to give him free food and drink.

Glancing up from the tablet, he winced as he saw eight empty paper cups stacked inside each other. Joshua hadn’t been aware he’d drank so much coffee. No wonder his head felt like a pimple about to pop.

“How goes the planning?”

Joshua sighed. “I’m not sure. I want to have a traditional wedding with floral garlands, shades of white and cream, and a particularly large stack of cupcakes in varying styles. I could invite all of our friends here and beyond, and perhaps the High Council would be kind enough to lend us a venue.”

“What’s Neku think?” Sanae took the empty cups and tossed them in the recycling bin. He wiped the counter clean of pastry crumbs and rings of sticky coffee. “He’s not one for fanfare.”

“Oddly,” Joshua scrolled up the page he was on, “Neku agreed to let me have whatever my heart desired so long as he can pick the catering. He was quite happy at the thought of seeing his UG friends in person with what remains of his RG friends.”

Sanae nodded. “Yeah. Beat went to university, Shiki and Eri are in France, but Rhyme’s still here.”

“I do adore her strength of will. Despite not having the dreams and desires of her youth, she’s made progress toward her future. I believe she’s currently pushing papers in a news station with the hopes of becoming a writer.”

Outside, Joshua could see the copy move. It stepped to the side, tapped on the glass, grinned manically while pressing its face to the glass, and the sound of broken laughter was muffled behind it.

“What’cha lookin’ at?” Sanae reached out to touch Joshua’s chin, pulling his gaze back. “Hey, it ain’t real and you’re awake.”

“I know,” Joshua continued to side eye the copy, “but he’s there. I can see him in full color.”

Sanae heaved a mighty sigh deep enough to flutter Joshua’s hair. “Look, kiddo, I can’t let ya go on like this. Y’gotta try it.”

“I don’t want it to mess with my frequency.”

“Angelic stuff ain’t gonna mess with yer frequency. The most it’ll do is make you a bit confused when you wake up. There are some side effects,” he said, “like nausea, vomiting, stomach upset, headache, loss of appetite…”

Joshua frowned and narrowed his eyes. “You sound like an advertisement.”

“I just want ya to be informed.”

“I can’t do it.”

Again, the copy tapped on the glass. “C’mon, Joshua, you know you want to do it.”

“Fuck you,” he snarled without thinking.

Sanae grew quiet and his expression became terribly serious.

“Oh, alright,” Joshua finally relented. “What does it entail?”

“A little bit of this and that. First, you gotta get comfortable. Second,” Sanae dug in his pockets, searching for something, “y’gotta take the draught, and third, y’have ta have a guardian.”

“What are you looking for?” Joshua clicked his tablet off and leaned on the counter. “Have you struck gold yet or are we going deeper?”

Sanae snorted. “Ha. Funny. No, I was looking for my lighter.”

“Oh, right,” Joshua slid his hand into the front pocket of his jeans, “I borrowed it the other day.”

“I remember now. How’d that go?”

Joshua made a face at the mention of the drug. “It smelled horrible.”

“Kinda figured you wouldn’t be the type for a little Mary Jane.”

“Definitely not. Now,” he put the lighter on the counter, “where is this mysterious draught?”

“Go home, take a bath, get relaxed, and I’ll bring it over in ten. Unless you’ve got a better place to hide out for a few hours.”

The memory of sparkling treasure and soft silken fabrics danced through Joshua’s mind. “If Neku is agreeable I have the perfect place in mind.”

\---

“Are you sure this is going to work?”

Neku’s doubt made a curl of anxiety work it’s way into Joshua’s stomach.

“Sure thing,” Sanae said, shaking the brown glass bottle. “It’ll taste like shit though.”

Joshua couldn’t help but tease, “oh, like your coffee.”

A narrowing of eyes later and the barista shoved Joshua down onto the pile of silk and velvet. Joshua landed hard on his bottom, but the stack of fine garments and blankets were tall enough to cradle him without the fall being painful. He lay back into the softness and adjusted his new pajamas.

The light of transformation slid over Neku and soon the Conductor was curled around Joshua protectively with his dragon form. He nuzzled Joshua’s face.

“Here ya go,” Sanae said, handing the bottle over.

Joshua eyed the amber glass, popped the cap, and took a sniff of the disgusting mixture. He pinched his nose and downed the horrid liquid in one gulp. It burned his tongue and throat, but within minutes he felt calm and sleepy. His body relaxed, and his mind calmed. The glass tumbled from his fingers.

“Oh…oh…” he moaned, eyes fluttering.

Placing his head on Joshua’s chest, Neku purred. _“I’ll protect you, Joshua.”_

He didn’t respond. The last thing Joshua saw over the top of Neku’s head was Sanae standing with a critical look in his eye and the copy standing directly behind him.

“I’ll do it,” the copy said.

Instantly, Joshua was transported to the dream. It was the same as always.

Decay. Death. Destruction.

Pain…anguish…rot…

“Please, God,” he begged, “let this be the last.”

He walked the same path and saw the same sights. His feet slid on the oily pavement streaked with blood and various chemicals. The Udagawa mural was his goal, and he once again saw Neku standing at the wall facing away from him.

“Neku,” he said with a bold lilt to his voice. “You are not real.”

The boy turned. He was decaying just as much as before, but his eyes had yet to sink into his skull. The brilliant blues watched him curiously before asking, “I’m not?”

“No, you are not real. You are a dream…a memory of a time not realized.”

Neku dropped his gaze and held up his hands. His body began to crumble into dust but he seemed unaffected by the change. The copy of Neku disappeared just as Joshua felt the presence of Sanae. Joshua whirled on him, shoved him away, and shouted.

“You are not real!”

Sanae tilted his head. “I am.”

“No, you are not. The Sanae Hanekoma I know would not torture his loved ones with guilt. The Sanae Hanekoma I know would take the matter into his own hands and he would stop this. He would stop this and he would stop me before it was too late. You are not Sanae. You are not real.”

“Heh,” the collection of limbs and wings laughed. He disappeared much like Neku.

The crowd began to close in. Joshua was ready.

“You did this,” they accused.

Joshua balled his hands into fists and shouted into the group, “I want to see your leader! Show me the copy of myself. I demand he come forward.”

Glancing to one another the crowd nodded and parted down the middle before the people began to melt into each other like lumps of clay. Joshua readied his power and stood waiting for the copy to come.

It didn’t take long. The copy grinned as it stepped closer.

It was a perfect reflection of Joshua, but with a sour glare and a wicked grin.

“I did this. You should have done it.” The copy reached out, took Joshua by the collar, and yanked him close enough to ghost a breath over his face. “You want to do it.”

“No,” Joshua struggled, “I love Shibuya. I won’t harm her.”

“You will do it,” the copy snarled, shoving Joshua to the ground. It grabbed Joshua by the hair and pulled hard enough to tear the scalp. Slapping Joshua to the ground, it sat atop him, mercilessly beating him senseless as he declared over and over, “you will do it!”

Joshua grit his teeth and took the full force of the savage attack. He tried not to make any noise to show the copy how much it hurt. Eventually, the copy shoved its thumbs into his eyes and he wailed as his sight faded and the feeling of blood rushing over his face made him choke.

“You will do it,” the copy said, voice suddenly inhuman, “or I will do it for you.”

“No,” he replied, strong in his conviction. “I didn’t do it. I will never do it.”

The copy scooped Joshua’s eyes from their sockets. Next, he bit into Joshua’s skin and tore at his mouth and cheeks. Blood sprayed the ground and though Joshua couldn’t see it, he could hear the droplets fall like rain onto the pavement.

Rain.

Joshua felt around to the copy’s throat. He gripped it and squeezed with all the strength he could muster after being pulled apart. His fingers slipped once, but the second time he dug his nails in even after the copy scratched and clawed at them.

“I will not do it!”

A gurgled cry. The copy whined like an animal and squirmed on Joshua as it attempted to get free.

It happened suddenly. The copy went limp. Joshua tossed the body aside and scrambled on the ground to find his bearings. His sight was lost and he was certain he felt one of his eyes squish beneath his well meaning hand. The ground had gone soft and his fingers dug into it as his legs fought not to be swallowed by whatever goo the world was turning into.

He screamed in frustration as his ankle was caught and he scratched through the sticky ground to find any sort of purchase he could.

A hand reached out to touch his. Joshua could feel the presence of Neku. He took the hand.

Again, a hand reached out. It grasped his free hand. Sanae.

Both of them pulled Joshua free of the muck and he wrapped his gummy arms around them.

The world was crumbling. He could feel it.

Words traveled to him through the haze of sleep. They sounded muffled and watered down.

_“…psychosis…”_

_“…paranoid delusions…”_

_“…his mind is fragile…we need to take drastic measures…”_

_“…come on, Josh…I need you…please…”_

_“…boss…c’mon…”_

“Wake up.”

Joshua felt moisture at the edges of his clothes. The rush of water in fat drops fell onto his face and neck and he began to wave his arms as it poured around his chest. He fought to stay afloat-to keep breathing as the water covered his head in turns. Joshua swam through the salty fluid, arms growing tired.

“Hey.”

The voice was Neku’s.

“Hey, Josh…”

He turned, knowing full well he couldn’t see.

“Thanks. You didn’t do it. I’m glad.”

“Yes,” the sound of his copy speaking in a soft tone echoed toward him, “you didn’t do it.”

Joshua gasped as the water filled his lungs and he broke the surface with a sharp inhale.

He was safe. He was awake.

Around him was Neku’s dragon body, and sitting across the room was Sanae’s calm presence. Joshua breathed in gulps and coughs, his lungs burning from lack of oxygen. He could barely move his body and the pain in his joints throbbed.

“Y’okay, boss?”

Joshua managed a nod. He continued to suck in air as much as he could.

 _“You were fighting something,”_ Neku said, voice caressing Joshua’s mind, _“and it didn’t look good.”_

He moaned in response. Still, he couldn’t move, and the draught coursed through his veins with a searing heat as he tried to clear it from his body. The words from before echoed to him and he glanced at Sanae in question.

“Paranoid delusions? Psychosis?”

“Oh, you heard that, did ya?” Sanae smiled, but there was worry in his eyes. “I did a little research while you were out.”

Joshua closed his eyes. His breathing was normalizing and Neku continued to poke and nuzzle him to keep him conscious. He reached out to stroke Neku’s snout and chin. “I agree.”

_“Are you okay, now?”_

Okay. The word had so little meaning on an everyday basis and yet now it held weight Joshua wasn’t sure he could shoulder. He turned his head and snuggled deeper into the coil of Neku’s body. Shibuya was singing in the back of his mind, and the music was sharp and clear. She was happy about something and he listened to her song for a long while. It was an orchestra of pride and adulation.

“Shibuya is pleased,” he whispered. “I am not okay, Neku. I tried to destroy the one thing in my life which truly mattered at that point in time. Shibuya has always loved me and I treated her poorly. I hope she can forgive me in time.”

Sanae moved from the chair against the wall to the edge of Neku’s coiled body. He knelt down, relaxed over the soft scales, and rested his head in his arms. “Kiddo, I don’t think Shibuya could ever dislike ya or hold a grudge against ya. She had y’earmarked since birth.”

“Do you think so?” Joshua glanced between Neku and Sanae. “Are you certain?”

_“I can hear her singing.”_

Yes. It was a song in a childlike voice with words in a language only Composers and Conductors could understand. He closed his eyes and smiled.

“I understand now. It was my own hate and distain. The copy…it didn’t exist. None of it did.”

Sanae said nothing but his emotions were in clear agreement.

“I cannot believe I held onto such self-loathing. I’m sorry if I worried either of you.”

The dragon shook his head and purred as his long tongue flicked out to lick Joshua’s face. Neku was happy just to have Joshua save and comfortable for the first time in months. Joshua could feel the elation and he curled tighter against Neku.

“It’s aight, Boss. Yer good now,” Sanae said. “I told ya the draught’d help.”

Joshua smiled. He closed his eyes and exhaled. “I’m tired.”

_“Get some sleep, I’ll be here to protect you.”_

“Neku,” Joshua yawned, his mind floating between dreams and reality, “would you like to have fish, chicken, or steak at the reception?”

He didn’t hear an answer. He had fallen into a dream.

It was not the same.


End file.
